When couples feel stuck in a pattern of behaviors and emotions that prevent them from solving problems, those patterns can seem set in stone. As a family systems therapist, I help couples to identify the individual and couple patterns that contribute to their discomfort and I help them to shift those patterns to add flexibility, trust, and positive emotional attachment to their relationship.   I begin by meeting with the couple jointly. I then meet with each person individually. When we come back together for the fourth session, I have assessed what I believe the patterns are that are causing the discomfort and whether I think I can assist in helping to change those patterns. You also have had an opportunity to decide if you want to continue to work with me.   As a strength-based, solution-oriented therapist I focus on the strengths in a relationship. I look for the exceptions to the “everything is wrong” that bring couples to therapy. Together we look for those times when things are going well, for moments when the problems are not there, and we work together to grow those moments.   I also focus on the emotional attachment in the relationship. Together we work to increase trust and connection and to help you get your emotional needs met in a more fulfilling and secure relationship.   I do not advise couples on whether they should stay together or separate. I do, however, educate on the difficulty of separation so that each can make a choice having some knowledge of what is ahead. If the couple decides to stay together we work on deepening and strengthening the parts of the relationship that are working. If the couple decides to separate I can help to improve communication so that they may be able to go through that process with less stress especially if there are children involved.   No matter what you decide, understanding your own patterns of behaviors and emotions and learning to manage yourself better will help improve the quality of all of your relationships.